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(Morning, open in a room at the Bella Union. We see
Morgan Earp sleeping with Tess. She is awake, watching Morgan sleep. The door
opens and Con motions to her to get moving. Cut to the hallway, we see Leon
exiting a room with Wyatt following. The Earps exchange looks and greetings all
around and then leave.)
(Cut to the Bullock house as Seth and Martha are
talking in the kitchen.)
Seth: One-third of six is two. The combination of the safe
in the hardware store. Which you
should commit to memory against eventualities.
Martha:
As was threatened by the arrival of those men last night.
Seth:
Yes. There are deeds, some 7% bonds, certificates, sundry receivables, one-third
of six is two.
Martha:
One-three-ought-six-two.
Seth:
Yes.
Martha:
The children and I are moving into the new schoolhouse
today.
Seth:
Good. (They smile and sit.) I’ll walk with you.
(Cut to the new school, where Joanie and Mose are
looking at a tree that stands in the middle of the
room.)
Joanie: I
wish we’d found out the last part for Mrs. Bullock to tell the
children.
Mose: We did as
best we could.
Joanie:
(Studying the room) Does four desks
to a row seem right?
Mose: Mmm, if not, they ain’t nailed to the
floor.
Joanie: You ain’t seen Jane?
(Mose shakes his head, Joanie studies the room).
(Cut to the hotel as Hearst is meeting with his new
troops as he drinks his morning tea)
Hearst: The camp is to know they’re here. The camp is to know
they’re my employees. If this knowledge came first from some disruption of
traffic in the thoroughfare, I would have no objection.
Leader: All
right.
Hearst:
And matters might deteriorate from there.
(Cut to the Gem saloon as Al descends the stairs. Dan
and Jewell are at the bar. Davel is standing watch at the front
door)
Al: Coffee!
Jewel:
Ready.
Al:
Well-positioned, Davey.
Davey:
Yes, Sir, Mr. Swearengen.
Al:
Eyeing them idlers outside Hearst’s hotel.
Dan:
Copperhead cocksucker Hearst, bringing in the fucking Pinkertons.
Al: Not
much of a horserace, Dan, between the appetite for blood and fidelity to
political conviction.
Johnny:
Fucking Pinkertons!
Al: Do we
have alternatives to enlisting reinforcements in Cheyenne?
Dan: I
knew I should have stayed packed from four days ago.
Davey:
Some bullshit’s jumping off on the thoroughfare, Mr. Swearengen. (Al and the group walk out to the front
porch to see the Pinkertons on horseback harassing people in the street,
including a very muddy Mr Wu.)
Pinkerton1: Get out
of my way.
Pinkerton2: Move it,
old timer! (Mr. Wu tries to make his way down the
street.) Get out of the way,
Hop Lee!
Pinkerton1: Hang
on. (He hits Wu with his
hat.)
MrWu:
Cocksucker!
Pinkerton1: Move
along, ding-dong! Move along! Move along!
MrWu:
Cocksucker!
Pinkerton1: Move
along, ding-dong! (Another Pinkerton laughs. Mr. Wu falls to the
ground.)
Al: Go
get fucking Wu. (Johnny goes for Wu.) Question
extant being, till reinforced, can we learn the ways of church mice? (Johnny helps Wu up. Wu pushes him off.)
Call on
Tolliver.
(Cut to the hotel where Hearst is still talking to
the leader.)
Hearst: You
will not mistake the newspaperman. He looks like a…big turtle. Published a
letter meant to embarrass me. That I authored his discomfiture should come clear
only as events accumulate.
Leader:
All
right.
(Cut to the Bella Union main room where Silas meets
with Cy)
Silas: The top of my to-do list every morning, and every day
gets away from me.
Cy:
Anyways, here you are.
Silas: Here I
am. Al’s delegate, as far as him
and you deal with Mr. Hearst.
Cy: Will
you still if invited to sit or will it take me offering a
meal?
Silas: I’d sooner not
sit, Sir, and already ate. Only
asking, ought I bear a message to Al?
Cy:
Nothing comes to mind.
Silas: Horsemen come
to camp by torchlight last night.
Cy: Tell
Al as we didn’t wake to the apocalypse, I suppose all we need fear is their
Winchesters.
(Cut to the hotel dining room where Hearst is sitting
with Lou nearby. He spots Jack entering and waves to
him)
Hearst: The pillars of my existence who should know each
other: (He waves Jack over) Mr. John Langrishe,
my dear Aunt Lou Marchbanks.
Jack: With
whose art I am most appreciatively familiar.
Hearst:
Uh, Mr. Langrishe is now to my back, Aunt Lou, what you have long been to my
belly.
Lou: I’ve
been heavy all my life.
Jack: Oh, I
refer not at all to you, Dear Lady.
Lou:
Salty, juicy ham this morning.
Jack: I must
have it.
Hearst:
The usual for me, Aunt Lou. (She nods and leaves) Sit sit sit
sit.
Jack: Must I
do so four times? (They laugh)
Hearst:
Ah, my closest confidant in the camp is Aunt Lou, and I say that with every
awareness.
Jack:
Wonderful.
(A number of people stand
in line for food, the “leader” stands in line with
them)
Man: I
guess I must have went invisible over night.
Leader: I
saw you, Drummer.
Man: And yet you cut in front of
me. (Leader stomps on the man’s foot hard, he
falls and is dragged out of the line.) I just knew you wouldn’t be
eating.
Jack: Did I
not see the gentlemen who is still upright arrive in the camp last
night?
Hearst: I
believe I may have as well. I was
on the porch of this structure, and you with Mr. Swearengen on his balcony. I believe he came in on
horseback.
Jack: Not as a
pedestrian, ironically, given his heavy-footed virtuosity.
Hearst:
What did Mr. Swearengen make of the coming into camp of that man among his
friends?
Jack: Do allow
me, Mr. Hearst, as your corporal comfort’s advocate, in this regard to be
neutral. Let me show in your
company on the subject of Al, no less rigorous a reticence than I exhibit with
Al when addressing the subject of you.
(Aunt Lou approaches with their
food) Ah! My ham.
(Cut to the street, Alma is walking to the bank. As
she arrives, Trixie is waiting on the boardwalk, as is a armed guard who’s
standing watch on the bank.)
Alma:
Good
morning.
Trixie:
Morning.
Alma: Good morning,
Louis. I hope your night was uneventful.
Louis: Yes,
ma’am. Jim’s late so I’ll watch till he arrives.
Alma: Thank
you. How have you been,
Trixie?
Trixie:
No
complaints. As if anybody would give a shit. I come to put in some
money.
Alma: I’m
glad.
(Cut to the street outside No 10. Fields is wheeling
Steve into the bar in a sort of a cart.)
Fields: Oh shit!
You motherfucker! (He pushes harder and gets it inside the
bar.)
Harry: Whoa whoa
whoa whoa whoa whoa!
Fields: I
ain’t no Goddamn nurse! I gotta see
to my business in this camp.
Harry: Tom’s
rules. You can’t set if you ain’t drinking.
Fields:
He’s buying for them that do. (He puts
gold coins down on the table)
Harry: Yeah, uh,
and what if he messes hisself? (NG puts more coins
down)
Fields:
For them that wipes him off. I ain’t seeing him out. I ain’t gonna fucking do
it!
(Fields leaves, leaving
the patrons to stare at stuperous Steve.
(Cut to the bank as Alma and Trixie are
talking)
Trixie: You seem better of late at a distance than you
appeared when last seen up close.
Alma: And now that
you’ve seen me up close?
Trixie: I
get the same impression, particularly of a clearness at the
eye.
Alma: I am better.
(Jack enters the bank)
Jack: Good
morning.
Trixie:
Anyways, (She takes some money out of her
blouse) there’s 12 bucks I deposit into my account. If the currency’s
counterfeit, my fucking Jew boss is the culprit. (She turns to
leave.)
Jack:
Do not, please, Madam, hasten
your business or abridge it.
Trixie: I
don’t need no receipt. Trust the lady. (She leaves)
Jack: John
Langrishe, Madam, of the Langrishe Theater Company.
Alma: How do you do,
Mr. Langrishe?
Jack: Glad I’m
well to bid you good morning. (they sit) I’d undertake two
transactions. Deposit of $4,000 and the borrowing of like
amount.
Alma: Those would
seem at cross-purpose.
Jack: Theater
types being perceived as transient, nomadic … without stake, so to speak, in a
place’s particulars, my redundant undertakings would allay mistrust of my kind
endemic in such camps as these. Oh. (chuckles, and picks up a bag from the
floor.) No less weighty than my
verbiage. (chuckles)
Alma: You have your
loan, Mr. Langrishe.
Jack: A
pleasure, Mrs. Ellsworth. (He gets up to leave, grabbing his hat.)
By way of publicity, this evening we conduct an amateur night. I wish to state, unequivocally with this
imposing gentleman as witness, (motions to Louis), I
have no gossamer filament of doubt you have skills to delight and amaze.
(Cut to the hardware store, where the Earps are
loading up their supplies into a wagon.)
Morgan: They have their fucking fun with you, and in the
morning, they treat you like dirt.
Wyatt: (laughs) And you a fucking
virgin…
Morgan: No, and not pretending to be.
Wyatt: To
be wounded by her callous ways.
Morgan:
All I’m saying is she could have been nicer, and those steerers more fucking
polite. (The Pinkertons gallop past en mass,
throwing up mud.) Assholes!
(Morgan starts after them)
Wyatt:
Hey, we got a timber lease to work. Get over there. (Seth is noting the
disturbance)
(Cut to the Gem saloon, where Wu is drawing one of
his stories at a table. Johnny watches closely.)
MrWu: Dinh. (He looks up at Johnny and pushes his sketch
over. And holds his thumb up. Johnny studies the sketch and gives him a thumbs
up back.)
Dan: Oh,
yeah, I’m sure them scribblin’s as clear as fuckin’ rainwater to you, Johnny. He
who was stymied by a couple of fucking X’s and a Goddamn straight line. Winks, grins, gives Wu the big
okay.
MrWu:
Okay.
Johnny:
If I recall the drawing you’re referring to, I believe the straight line
signifying the bar was first made out by me. As far as these pictures here, now I,
not fathoming the full particulars, I feel I get the general
drift.
Dan: You best trot upstairs with Johnny, Wu.
Show Al your work is finished. But remember, Al, he … he ain’t near as quick as
Johnny or fucking Jewel. No, Al might be confused and treat you to a fucking
ass-kicking.
MrWu: Bok
Gwai Lo. (He shakes his head and tries to brush some
dirt off of his suit.Cut to Al’s office,
Al meets with Silas.)
Al:
Well, what does Tolliver know of the
guns come to camp?
Silas: Said he don’t
know nothing.
Al: And
you fuckin’ believe him, huh?
Silas: I think, I
did. Felt like he’s outside looking
in.
Al: We
ought to form a fucking club. (He
steps out onto the balcony and sees Hugo Jarry riding down the street. He steps
back inside.) Fucking Yankton’s rejoined us for Christ’s fucking sake? (Silas looks outside and Jarry sees him. He
steps back in.)
Silas: Must have
finished stealing from the Indians.
(Cut to the street, the Earps are driving their wagon
out of town. As they pass a group of Pinkertons, one of them
shouts)
Man: Wipe
your ass, Hiram. It feels strange at first, but the shit protects against
blisters. (Morgan jumps off. Wyatt stops the
wagon.)
Wyatt:
Whoa!
Morgan:
Will you be here after work?
Man: If I am, will you suck my
prick?
Morgan:
Well, if you ain’t, and a fella says Hiram’s trying to find you, if he don’t go
on to call you a cunt, he’s cutting the message short. (The man looks at the leader, who shakes his
head “no”.)
Wyatt:
Let’s go,
Morgan.
Morgan:
What, was it him that got you hooked on cocksucking?
Wyatt:
Get on the fucking wagon.
Man: I’ll
be here, Hiram. Try some shit on
them blisters.
Morgan:
Let him fuck your ass. He may raise your pay a quarter. You might already be too
loose. (Morgan hols up his hands to
indicate the size of the man’s ass-hole.) See you this
afternoon.
(Cut to the hotel as Jarry is entering. Near the
door, Doc is seeing to the man with the broke foot, who is laying on the floor.
Richardson is supervising. Jarry steps around them and goes to the
desk.)
Hugo: A room, if I may, unexposed to the gales which must
blow through that hole above us.
EB: Mr.
George Hearst, who is now the hotel’s owner, put the hole in that
wall.
Hugo:
Enhancing not at all for me the prospect of a room in the hole’s
proximity.
Doc:
Could I get a wheelbarrow or the like?
EB: Yes,
Sir. Richardson!
Wheelbarrow!
(Cut to the Chez Amie. Joanie is standing in the
street, looking into the window, waiting for someone to notice her. Martha walks
out.)
Martha: Miss Stubbs?
Joanie: I
guess you’re near ready to take the children over. Or are you ready now? Do I
keep you from it?
Martha:
Oh, I’m, I’m taking the children in an hour’s time. Just now you give us happy
respite from our numbers.
Joanie:
Anyways, Mose says the man was a Norwegger from Wisconsin, built the building
around the tree so as to have sap on hand for syrup, which must taste like hell
for being burr oak, but…probably smells nice in a lamp.
Martha:
Does anyone know why he left?
Joanie:
No luck on that score. Far as that, we came up empty. It’s too
bad.
Martha:
It’s freer rein for the children’s imaginations.
Joanie:
Fewer facts, I guess, to trample.
Martha: I
hope that you’ll walk with us, Miss Stubbs.
Joanie:
Oh…(she turns to leave as if to say no, then stops)
Sure.
Martha:
Good. I’ll see you in an hour.
(Cut to the bank, there’s a long line of people
waiting at the teller’s window, Fields is talking to
Alma)
Alma:
I recognize, Mr. Fields, that
in any foreseeable future, Steve will not resume operations of the livery or pay
on his note to the bank. Be assured
I am grateful for the expedient care you have taken of the livery and its
occupants, having no obligation in this matter of any kind.
Fields:
No shadow ought be on Hostetler’s reputation, that sold to Steve, by me now
taking leave.
Alma: No reasonable
person would cast one.
Fields: I
guess I can head out then, knowing the one in a 100 that is, won’t sully
Hostetler’s name. I got a life to live of my own.
Alma: As do all here
in the camp.
Fields:
(Turns and heads for the door) Sorry to hold you all up.
(Cut to Merrick’s office, as the Pinkerton leader
enters.)
Leader: Jesus Christ, whoever thought I’d come to write an
article?
Merrick:
Have you a notice you wish circulated, Sir?
Leader: What?
Merrick:
By “Article” do you mean you have some notice you’d wish
published?
Leader: By “article” I mean a fucking article. (He steps closer)
Merrick:
What would be your article’s subject?
Leader: You’re a fat fucking bastard, ain’t
ya?
Merrick:
I think we ought best continue our conversation Sir, when you’re not under the
influence of spirits.
Leader: Something stupid looking about
you.
Merrick:
I must insist you leave.
Leader: Fucking irritating! How you look makes me fucking
embarrassed! (He pulls his cane out of
it’s sheath and swats Merrick across the face, Merrick gasps and falls to his
knees, Blazanov stands up.)
Merrick:
Oh dear.
Leader: “Oh dear”!?
(He starts punching Merrick
repeatedly. Throwing him to the
floor when he’s done.) Oh
dear. (He grabs his walking stick, heads to the
door, smiling, turns to Blazanov.) You’d better come help your
friend.
Blazanov:
(having watched from a distance, he rushes over) Mr. Merrick, I’m
sorry! I’m so
sorry!
(Cut to the Gem saloon, where Al is with
Wu.)
MrWu: Swedgin, Hearst, Heng Dai?
Al: We’re
the opposite of fucking Heng Dai!
We’re … bok gwai Lo, the two of us.
MrWu: Bok
gwai lo?
Al: Fuck
bok gwai lo! We’re not fucking heng
dai! We’re the opposite of fucking
heng dai. Now make your fucking
point.
MrWu:
Yah! Swedgin! Hearst! Eek!
Al: Jesus
fucking Christ. (Wu taps on his
sketch)
MrWu:
`150 chung kuo cocksucka.
Custer.
Al: He’s
dead, for Christ’s sake, Wu! Hey,
how about the canoe? Did you know
that had been fucking invented yet, huh?
MrWu:
Custer, chung kuo cocksucka, 150, Custer.
(Johnny studies the
sketch)
Johnny:
Custer City? (Wu taps the sketch)
MrWu: Oh!
Custer City!
Johnny:
Wu’s holding his men outside Custer City.
MrWu:
Huh.
Johnny:
‘Cause you and Hearst are on the outs.
(He looks up at Al, smiling and
nodding. Al suddenly punches Johnny in the face. Dan smirks.)
Al:
(goes to the bar) Clever precautionary fucking thinking,
Wu.
(Cut the freight office, where Jack is with Charlie
as Joanie approaches.)
Charlie: Miss Stubbs.
Joanie:
Mr. Utter. Mr.
Langrishe.
Jack: The
blessed Miss Stubbs, whose bust is so very prominent in the mind’s pantheon of
the camp.
Joanie:
Some not 50 yards from us will put these of mine to shame.
Jack: As I’ve
made to Mr. Utter a proposal, the answer to which he must generate only in
privacy and after meditation, if you’ll excuse, I’ll take my
leave.
Joanie:
Well, I will too.
Jack: No no
no, Miss Stubbs. It is only I from whom he must be sequestered. Your counsel may
be invaluable. If you can cartwheel or puff your cheeks like a fish…we have a
festivity tonight. I’ll live in hope you’ll attend. (He leaves)
Charlie:
There
is a strange fucking bird. Some kind of, uh, amateur night he’s organizing,
connected with his theater. Some way I couldn’t fathom. A prelude, he called it.
Fuckin’ Jane ought to break out her bullwhip.
Joanie: I
nearly came to know for Mrs. Bullock to tell the children why that schoolhouse
has a tree growing through it.
Charlie:
The new one has a tree growing through it?
Joanie:
Who the man was, why he built around the tree instead of cutting it down. Mose
couldn’t find out where he got to.
Charlie:
Why does she need to know where the man got to for Mrs. Bullock to tell the
children about the tree?
Joanie:
To finish the story.
Charlie:
More than where the man got to once he was through, I’d think the story was of
the tree and the schoolhouse built around it. (Joanie nods) I guess you’re right,
though. I, I guess children are
like that, wanting to know all the information. I guess that’s how they are. (She looks out into the street.) You got
something to send, Miss Stubbs?
Joanie: I
was just stopping by to say good morning.
(Charlie grins and nods.)
(Cut to the Gem, Silas and Hugo Jarry sit. Hugo pours
a drink as Dan and Johnny watch from the bar.)
Hugo: Friends become adversaries. Become now, I hope, friends
again.
Silas:
Doing any good for
yourself?
Hugo: Oh, hard of late, Adams, doing that in Yankton. That is something you would be
aware.
Silas: From what I
read on the crapper.
Hugo:
Washington harasses us for
our difficulties in distribution to the Indians, thereby distracting the nation
at large from Washington’s own fiscal turpitudes and
miasms.
Silas: There amongst
the turpitudes and miasms, you got caught stealing the
money.
Hugo: The
money was not stolen. There was an amount of siphoning off and certain
irregularlities.
Silas: Sounds like it
was regular as milking Bessie, 96¢ on the dollar.
Hugo: Rank
exaggeration.
Silas: If it was less
than 90, you fucked generations of
Indian Agents to come.
Hugo: If saying
so will let us go on, then, yes, we stayed above 90.
Silas: And did you
lay a few cents by?
Hugo: A few.
Never enough. Your star here is in ascension?
Silas: I’ve been
keeping busy.
Hugo: Tell me
how. Don’t delete a single
detail.
Silas: That’s a
pretty taut line, Mr. Jarry, not knowing how deep your hook’s set
yet.
Hugo: How deep
would 500 set it, time being of the fucking essence?
Silas: Hard to know
till it’s inside my pocket.
Hugo: I’d
rather not produce it in this place.
Silas: Worse gets
produced here pretty regular.
Hugo: Much has been answered already. Little has fucking
changed.
(Cut to Al’s room, where Doc is seeing to Merrick on
Al’s bed. Al and Blasanoz look on)
Merrick: Ugh, it was nightmarish. Whatever cogent purpose the
man may have had, his drunkenness kept him from conveying, and yet I had the
eerie sense he knew what he was doing.
Al:
Maybe not so drunk as he seemed,
huh?
(Merrick moans, Al steps out onto the balcony to see
the Earps driving their wagon back into town. The load they carry is nothing
more than a few pine saplings.)
(Cut to the hotel, where the Pinkerton leader is
reporting to Hearst)
Hearst: Details, Sir. Did the newspaperman try to defend
himself? Did he beg you to stop? Did he cry out?
Leader: He said
“Oh dear.” Was bleeding and curled up like a baby. (Hearst
laughs)
(Cut to Al’s room again, Doc is examining
Merrick.)
Doc: I’m
guessing your bottom rib is cracked, and this contusion at your belly show the
colors of the rainbow before it’s through with you.
Merrick:
Apparently,
my expiration is not imminent.
Doc:
‘Course, I’m wrong as much as I am right.
Merrick:
What purpose might the man have had, Al, in feigning
drunkenness?
Al: Allow
you to penetrate the pretense? Teach fear while inflicting pain? You printed any
letters lately, Merrick, that some miserable cocksucker would send an underling
to punish you for?
Hmm?
Merrick:
Bastard.
Blazanov:
I should be ashamed that I didn’t come to help. I’m so sorry, Mr. Merrick, my
dear friend.
Al: Oh,
cut it the fuck out, the both of you, unless you want to act to the cocksucker’s
purpose. (Blazanov reaches into his coat and pulls
out a telegram, holding it out to Al with some pride.)
Blazanov:
This came for the cocksucker, Mr. Swearengen. (Al reads it)
Al: Take
it to him.
Blazanov:
I’d like to punch him.
Al: Give
him the fucking telegram, and no punching.
(Blazanov
leaves.)
Doc: Long
pulls on the laudanum as needed. (Sets a bottle on the
night-stand)
Al: Check
out that sow Tina, Doc, when the opportunity presents. That ain’t the whiff of
roses when she passes. (Doc leaves.)
Merrick:
Ugh. Have I bled on your bed
linens, Al?
Al: You
wouldn’t be the first.
(Cut to an alley by the hardware store, the Earps are
unloading their saplings)
Morgan: Shit.
(Pinkerton’s gallop down the street, catching Seth’s
attention from inside the hardware store.
Sol readies his derringer.)
Seth:
Do
yourself a favor, Sol. Stop thinking of that derringer as a problem
solver.
Trixie:
It solved several for me. (Seth smiles,
Wyatt walks up outside holding two saplings.)
Wyatt:
Free fucking kindling, if you have need for it.
Morgan:
Our timber lease ain’t nothing but pecker poles.
Man: (The Pinkerton who
earlier harassed Morgan) Let’s see
them blisters…Hiram. (Morgan holds up a hand, smiles, turns,
pulls his gun and shoots the man in the leg.)
Man:
Aw! Son of a…(The man falls)
Wyatt: Jesus Christ, Morgan! (He hurries over to the man and pulls the
man’s gun from it’s holster, laying it on the ground next to him.)
Seth: Stay
inside. Stay in here. (Seth approaches the Earps and the
Pinkertons)
Man: Help
me.
Morgan: I
did, you motherless cunt, to bleed out in the fucking mud. (The leader approaches, and Seth fires his
gun into the air)
Seth: Stand
away till I find out what happened here!
Wyatt:
That fight was fair.
Leader: Bullshit!
Corey was under orders not to draw.
Seth: Man’s
gun’s out of its holster.
Leader: Was it you took it out after he was down?
Seth: Do you
say I did? That saw me come from my
store as you came down the boardwalk?
Leader: I
say someone did. Corey had orders not to draw. (Seth grabs the leader by the ear and drags
him along.)
Seth: You’re
fucking under arrest.
Leader: What for?
Seth: For
interfering with a fucking peace officer.
(To the Earps) Come with me
for questioning.
Wyatt:
All right.
Morgan:
All right, Sheriff.
Seth: (to
the leader as his men are moving) You tell your men to interfere. Give me a
reason to do what I want.
(Cut to Hearst’s room at the hotel as Blazanov
knocks.)
Blazanov: Cheyenne and Black Hills Telegraph Company, Mr.
Hearst.
Hearst:
Mr. Blazanov.
Blazanov:
Telegram for George Hearst. (Hearst
reaches for a coin) I decline your gratuity, Sir. Change in policy.
(Cut to the kitchen where Lou is teaching Richardson
how to cure a ham. Richardson is rubbing the ham with
salt)
Lou: So
where you gonna take this, Richardson?
Richardson: To finish
curing in the smokehouse.
Lou: How
long you gonna leave it in there?
Richardson: Three
weeks.
Lou: How
you remember three weeks is up?
Richardson: The notch
where I sleep. Beside the notches
for my other hams.
Lou: You
getting the hang of this, Richardson. So next time I ain’t gonna asked you. Only
check did you make your notch.
Richardson: You’ll find
it made, Aunt Lou. (Hearst enters, Aunt Lou looks
nervous)
Hearst:
Would you excuse us, Sir?
Richardson: Yes. (He grabs the ham and leaves. Hearst
pauses.)
Hearst:
Odell is dead.
Lou:
Jesus, help me.
Hearst:
They found him near the road to Rapid City.
Lou: How
they sure it’s Odell?
Hearst:
The letters I gave him were still on his person, and his Bible bore his
name. (Aunt Lou starts to cry, Hearst tries to
take her in his arms to comfort her, she pushes him
away.)
Lou: Get
away from ‘round me, Sir!
Hearst:
You don’t have to feign strength with me, Aunt Lou.
Lou: I
ain’t pretending shit! Get the hell
away from ‘round me, Sir! (She pushes him aside and runs away) Oh
God! Oh my God!
(Cut to a back alley, Mose has found Jane asleep on a
pile of bottles and junk.)
Jane:
Get out of my fucking
light.
Mose: It’s
me.
Jane: Who is
me? The fucking
eclipse?
Mose: Mose
Manuel.
Jane: Oh,
really? I thought it … it was
Giganto, the runaway circus elephant.
Mose: Miss
Stubbs has been looking for you. Those kids need chaperoning to the new
schoolhouse, Jane. (Jane turns away, and puts her hands to her ears, shutting her
eyes.)
Jane: I cannot hear
you, nor can I see you any longer.
(Mose grabs
her.)
Mose: You
fucking drunken slob! (Jane reacts with fear)
Jane: Oh! (He stops and she stares seething at Mose,
wide eyed.)
Mose: Get up
and walk them kids.
Jane: Okay,
Giganto! Don’t tusk me to death
with your tusks. (She steadies herself,
sheathing her gun.) How long do I have to assemble
myself?
Mose: They’ll
be ready to go in a few minutes.
Jane: Shut
up.
(Cut to the smokehouse, where Richardson and Lou are
embracing.)
Richardson: I’m sorry, Mama. I’m so sorry.
Lou: I
can’t take it. I can’t take it.
(Cut to the jail / freight office. Seth is seated
talking to the Earps while the Pinkerton leader is locked in the
cell)
Seth:
Who produced their weapon
first?
Wyatt:
Said they come out the same time.
Morgan:
We drew as one.
Leader: That’s a fucking lie.
Charlie:
Come here a second. (Leader looks at Charlie – Charlie punches
him through the cell bars.)
Shut up.
Seth: Are you
as sure about your timber lease?
Wyatt:
What do you mean? (Leaning over, ready to sign his
statement)
Seth: As that this is truthful. Are you as sure that lease ain’t worth
fuck-all?
Morgan:
Absolutely fucking certain.
Seth: Then
nothing holds you here. And arguing against you staying is who this fuck-head
works for, and the man you shot in the fair fight. (Wyatt smiles a half-grin) Best you move
on, taking your genius brother with you.
Morgan:
Um…I ain’t showed myself to advantage here, Sheriff. I’m fully fucking
aware.
(Cut to the street, we see Bellagarde walking in a
sandwich board, advertising amateur night. At the Chez Amie, Martha is mustering
the kids and lining them up for the march to the new
school)
Martha: Line up right there. Stop. Stop. You’re gonna stop
right there. Right there, stop. Okay, step this way right here. (Joanie is there as Jane approaches
unsteadily.)Okay, stop. Stand
right here. (Jane crosses the thoroughfare, joining
Joanie.) Thank you. You can
carry that.
Jane: Stay
close. I might need you for
support.
Boy: I
don’t want to hold her hand.
Martha:
You can lock arms instead. (whispering) Hey, okay, go ahead. Miss
Stubbs?
(She motions to Joanie to lead the way. Holding
hands, she and Jane lead the procession to the new schoolhouse. People along the street stop and watch
the procession.)
(Cut to
the jail, where Johnny is arriving.)
Johnny: Sheriff?
(Seth
stands)
Seth: Tell him
I ain’t coming for his lecture. Tell him I don’t need it. Tell him if my temper
was gonna get the best of me, this cocksucker’s brains would be on the floor.
Tell him I got it. All right? Tell him I’m on top of it.
(Johnny nods and leaves. Wyatt looks at Seth momentarily. Charlie
steps to the door and sees the procession of schoolchildren led by Joanie and
Jane.)
Charlie: Sheriff.
(Seth steps to the door, standing
next to Charlie. Charlie nods down the street at the children, Seth follows his
gaze.)
Seth: They’re finished, Charlie. (He leaves)
Charlie:
I got it.
Seth: I told
Mrs. Bullock I’d walk with her.
Charlie:
Well, go ahead. Hello to Miss Stubbs.
(Alma comes out of the bank to watch the children,
Seth passes her, they nod to each other.
Seth joins Martha, she takes his arm and they walk. Sofia waves to Alma.
Alma waves back and smiles. The Earps watch from the jail. Al and Hearst both
watch from their balconies. Johnny motions to Al that Seth’s all right. The
parade moves along.)
( Cut to the street, it’s night now. A crowd is
gathering for amateur night. The soap guy is working the
crowd.)
Soap Guy: Soap!
Soap with a prize inside!
Guaranteed prize in every case of soap! Soap! Soap with a prize
inside.
(Jack walks out onto a
small wooden stage in front of the theater and addresses the
crowd)
Jack:
Hello! As we have in
Chicago, Denver and San Francisco, the Langrishe Troupe bids welcome to the
Deadwood Camp! (The crowd applauds) Nights to come will
find us on the stage within. Our enactments may bring an odd tear to the eye,
and may be relied upon to produce guffaws and howls of laughter. This evening,
however, in memoriam of a passing colleague, whose jocund spirit hovers over our
gay fiesta, I will give you his favorite epithet. “All the world’s a stage, and all the
men and women merely players.”
Tonight, we will be the audience to you. (Applause. We see a man standing in the
crowd with a sigh that says: “Can cry at will”)
(Cut to the hotel kitchen, Lou is cooking as Hearst
enters.)
Hearst: How you feeling, Aunt Lou?
Lou: I’m
getting dinner ready.
Hearst:
Don’t. Isn’t right you serving
supper to strangers when you’re in such grief.
Lou: I
want to.
Hearst:
No. (Jarry is entering the dining room)
Hugo: Ahem.
Hearst:
Kitchen’s closed.
Hugo: The
sustenance I would take in any case, Mr. Hearst, like a newly-hatched bird,
would come, I would hope, from your mouth. (Jarry makes a number if bird impressions,
chirping and mimicking a young bird looking for food from it’s parent. He looks
quite ridiculous. Hearst is stunned, and finally moves to ascend the stairs with
Jarry following)
Hearst:
Don’t follow so damn close. (Hugo pauses a moment then follows. Aunt Lou
continues to cry as she slices potatoes.)
Lou: (To
herself) Kill you if I could, George
Hearst.
(Cut to the street)
Jack:
Sir! Do you tumble! Do you have a colleague! Tumble, Sir! Tumble away!
Soap Guy:
Soap with a prize inside! (The crowd cheers as the men called up on
stage play leap frog.)
Jack: Magnificent!
Well done! Bravo! A round of applause for our dueling
gymnastics! And again, who’s there
next? Our pick of the week?! On you
go, Sir.(He calls up a man with a pickaxe
who procedes to balance it on his chin.)
Bravo! Bravo! Bravo! Young lady, you’d raised your hand. I have a sense you might favor us with a
song. (A blond lady is helped up onto the stage by
the Countess. We see Fields wheeling stuperous Steve over to “watch” the
show.)
Lady: Jesus loves me. This I know. (she sings the bible song) I know that
the hand…
Hoople:
(This is the crazy ex-soldier who in Season 1 was talking about eating his
mare. He is talking to the man with the crying sign) When my dad died, I
didn’t even cry. Here you are, I’ll give you a dollar. You cry right for him
right now.
Jack: Oh! Look at this! Look! (We see a man balancing a plank on his
chin. The lady continues to
sing.)
Man:
(A drunk hoople jumps onto the stage and grabs the singing lady) That is
the best fucking thing I have ever heard in my life. (He tries to kiss
her.)
Jack: Indeed
it is, Sir!
Lady: Get off me,
Sir!
Jack: Thank
you, young lady, Thank you!
(We see the entire camp is out to watch the
show.)
Hoople: (Addressing the crying
man who is supposed to be crying for his dead father) Hell, it’s easy for you. You didn’t know the
cocksucker.
(Cut to the jail, where Seth and Charlie are
releasing the Pinkerton leader.)
Leader: What’s the upshot?
Seth: What the
fuck is that supposed to mean?
Leader: I
was arrested, I was locked up.
What’s the upshot? (Seth tugs his nose, Charlie gives the
leader back his gunbelt.)
Charlie:
Go and sin no more. (leader leaves)
Seth: Go
ahead, Charlie.
Charlie:
Where?
Seth: Go ahead
to the fucking amateur night.
Charlie:
You don’t mind? All right. I
believe I’ll attend badgeless, Lest
I put a damper on stupidities. (laughs)
(Cut to Alma’s house as she is brushing Sophia’s hair
and pretending to look behind Sophia’s ears.)
Alma:
Hmm. (gasps) (Sofia turns around) Hmm. (She reaches out to Sofia’s ear and produces
a gold coin.)
Sofia: Grandpa’s
trick!
Alma: It is, yes.
And we oughtn’t to let that spoil it for us.
(Cut to the show where a man is doing rope
tricks.)
Jack:
Such elegance! Such dexterity! Ah, magnifico, magnifico! (The “woman in red” is seen coming to watch
the show.) Let’s hear it for
the lariat lad.
(Cut to the Gem saloon. Al is alone in the room,
behind the bar. The man who balances the plank on his chin walks in and starts
to perform)
Al: Get
outta here with that fucking nonsense. Get outta here before I cut your fucking
throat! (The man stops and retreats.) Go on!
Fucking amateur night. Some people gotta…fucking work, hmm?
(We see Seth at the jail, writing in a book. Next we
see Jen and Johnny watching the show. A woman dressing in Arabic belly dancing
type garb is approaching the stage)
Claudia: Look at this! ( The belly dancer is dancing, the crowd
atard drumming and clapping.)
Jack: A
mystery from the east. (We see Cy, alone at the Bella Union. Then
we see the Earps riding out of town.
The dancer is twirling.) Magnificent, young lady. (Claudia looks at Jack, with jealousy)
Well done, young lady. Well
done, well done. (The audience cheers and Claudia hurries the
dancer back into the crowd.)
Ah!
(Cut to the new school, Joanie is sweeping as she and
Jane clean up.)
Jane:
Little fucking James,
huh?
Joanie:
He is a chatterbox.
Jane: “Why why
why?” Shut the fuck up and maybe
you’ll find out.
Joanie:
He liked the tree house most of any. (We see there’s a sort of tree house in
the top of the tree in the middle of the room)
Jane: What’s a tree
house doing way the fuck up there? I like them school
kids.
(Cut to the show, as Richardson is approaching the
stage. He’s in his top hat and tails, juggling 3
rocks.)
Jack:
Well done, well done.
Ah! Orbs of gold! The wonderful Mr. Richardson. (The crowd cheers. E.B. stands up.) And
his magic orbs. (Richardson juggles)
And again, Sir, and again. (He dances as he juggles) And again,
Sir! Hidden
talents!
EB:
Richardson! (The crowd boos as E.B. stops the fun.)
You’re done.
Jack: Envy is
a cardinal sin, Mr. Farnum. Cardinal sin.
(We see Ellsworth watching the show. Above, on the
hotel porch roof, Hearst is talking to Jarry. Jarry is clinging to the building,
afraid of the height)
Hearst: How many are they?
Hugo: 265
soldiers have bivouacked near Sturgis now. Another 200 could be brought to the
hills if needed.
Hearst:
Why can’t the soldiers near Sturgis vote twice?
Hugo: Reinforcements are available should poll
watchers prove hostile to repeaters.
Hearst:
Come forward, God damn it. My back fucking worsens.
Hugo: I
am so sorry, Sir.
Hearst:
Better you dizzy than me have to turn around and look at
you.
Hugo: These
votes will support (creeping from rafter to rafter by the
windows) candidates of your preference in each office, Mr. Hearst, as if
cast by you yourself. My stringent
instruction from Governor Pennington
is to convey upon my return a confirmation in your hand that … that we
have had this conversation.
Hearst:
Then the Governor in turn confirms the rumor he’s a moron.
Hugo: (laughs) My heavens, no. I do mean that
he would seek your signature on any itemizing of particulars, merely to confirm
the fact that I spoke to you.(He holds
the document out for Hearst, who looks at him.)
(Cut to the school, Cy is approaching the
doorway)
Jane:
Oh My
God.
Cy: Oft
confused with the most high, though our inseams got different lengths.
Jane: Fuck you. Fuck you! (She drops her broom in fear and runs out
the back door.)
Joanie:
You can’t come in here, Cy.
Cy: I
suppose I could if I want to.
Joanie:
If you need us to talk, we can do it somewheres else. It ain’t for you to come
in here.
Cy: Fuck
you, Joanie Stubbs, and your fucked-out whores thinking what’s mine to come into
and ain’t. (She steps closer.) Come
on, girl. Come on close. Come on.
(Jane runs to Mose who is sitting in back of the
building)
Jane: Mose! Help,
Miss Stubbs. I’m too afraid. (Mose jumps up and runs around to the front.)
Cy: What
a lovely tree inside a building. Is that a darling fucking tree house in the
precious fucking branches for the shitheel little kids to play amongst in jolly
joy?
Mose: (brandishing a walking stick) Get
away, you!
Cy: Well
now, Mose.
Mose: Go
on!
Cy: You
fat bastard. I’ll hold your heart in my hand for your beady little rat eyes to
look at before I shove it down your fucking throat!
Joanie:
Cy!
Cy: (laughs) I wonder how till tonight I
found my way in the world at all, not having my steps directed at every fucking
quarter.
Joanie: Go along.
Cy: I got
fucking places to go. (He leaves, clanging the schoolbell as he
walks by, which frightens Jane. Jane takes Joanie’s
hand)
(Cut to the show, we see Fields is watching with
stuporous Steve in the cart)
Fields: Isn’t this fun, man? Huh?
Jack: Ah! The camp giant! (The drunk man offers the lady a sip of his
bottle, she takes it.)
Giant: Oh! (He holds up a large sledgehammer with one
hand, steadily bringing it down to within an inch of his face, stopping just
shy.)
Jack: What a
figure! What a figure. Look at
this! Look at this! Look at that, Ladies and Gentlemen. (applause) Well done! Bravo, bravo! Bravo. Magnificent. (A man pulls his glass eye out) Ah! Look at that!
Man: Look
at my eye. (showing ti to the crowd)
(We see Hearst is signing Jarry’s document. He
notices the Pinkerton leader entering the hotel below, and goes back
inside.)
(Cut to the Gem saloon, Al begins to sing himself a
song)
Al: As
I was a-walking down by St. James Hospital
As I was a walking down by there one
day
Who should I spy but one of my comrades
All wrapped up in flannel and gray was the
day
I asked him what ailed him
I asked him what failed him
I asked him the cause of all his
complaint
‘Twas all on account of some handsome young woman
‘tis the reason why I weep and
lament.
If she had but told me before she disordered
me
If she had but told me all but in
time
I mighta got pills and salts of white mercury
But now I’m cut down in the height of my
prime.
Get six young soldiers to carry my
coffin
And six young girls to sing me a
song
I let each of them bear a bunch of green laurel
So they don’t have to smell me as they bear me
along.
So don’t muffle your drums and play your fifes
merrily
And play a quick march as you carry me along
And blaze your bright muskets all over my coffin
Saying there goes an unfortunate lad to his home.
(drinks) Ah! (He starts wiping the bar down
again.)
Click for the music from the credits
Written
by: Nick Towne & Zack Whedon
Directed by: Adam Davidson
Al Swearengen: Ian McShane Dan Dority: W Earl Brown
Seth Bullock: Timothy Olyphant
Alma Garret: Molly Parker
Ellsworth: Jim Beaver
Doc Cochran: Brad Dourif
Sol Star: John Hawkes
Trixie: Paula Malcomson
Tom Nuttall: Leon Rippy
Cy Tolliver: Powers Boothe
Leon: Larry Cedar
Sophia: Bree Seanna Wall
Silas Adams: Titus Welliver
Martha Bullock: Anna Gunn
Hugo Jarry: Stephen Toblowsky
Claudia: Cynthia Ettinger
Richardson: Ralph Richeson
Jen: Jennifer Lutheran
Morgan Earp: Austin Nichols |
E.B. Farnum: William Sanderson
Calamity Jane: Robin Weigert
Charlie Utter: Dayton Callie Johnny Burns: Sean Bridgers
Andy Cramed: Zach Grenier
Jewel: Geri Jewell
A. W. Merrick: Jeffrey Jones
Mose Manual: Pruitt Taylor Vince
Mr. Wu: Keone Young
Joanie Stubbs: Kim Dickens
Con Stapleton: Peter Jason
Blazanov: Pavel Lychnikoff
Steve: Michael Harney
Jack Langrishe: Brian Cox
Aunt Lou Marchbanks: Cleo King
Harry Manning: Brent Sexton
Odell: Omar Gooding
Gustave, the tailor: Gordon Clapp
Wyatt Earp: Gale Harold |
Transcription last updated on 02/06/2007 | |
Deadwood transcription from www.CalamityDan.com These transcriptions are the property of CalamityDan.com, and are intended solely for entertainment purposes. No copying or public distribution is permitted. |