Episode
#10 – “Mr. Wu”
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(Morning,
hardware store)
Sol: (sighs - Makes thumb gesture towards
door.)
Seth:
Yeah. What was in my mind to
raise my hand?
Sol: Anyways, time for
breakfast.
Seth: You go
ahead.
Sol: Bullshit.
Come on.
(Seth gets
up, starts to door then doubles back for the paper. They leave.)
Seth: (sighs)
Would a letter to the paper be an
idea? Same time I give the proposal
to
Farnum?
Sol: Yes.
Seth: Marshal
public sentiment in favor, maybe fence ‘em in a little.
Sol: Excellent
approach.
Seth: Goddamn
quicksand is what these commissioners positions amount to.
Sol: Yes, they do.
Seth: It’s all
a hoot and a holler to you though, ain’t it. Sol?
Sol: No, it isn’t.
Seth: (Sees Farnum) Jesus
Christ.
E.B.: Breakfast
vittles at the ready, gentlemen.
Sol: Mayor.
Seth: As far
as use for the fees to be levied on businesses, I worked a proposal up on a
permanent infirmary and a camp dump.
E.B.: The first use for those fees is payin’ bribes to the
legislature. Their bag man’s in
transit.
Seth: Well, if
there’s anything fuckin’ left.
E.B.: Why, Mr. Bullock, you sound like you
want to wring my neck. (chuckles)
We’ll submit your ideas, Bullock, and by all means, I’ll take them under
advisement. Always glad to hear
from the camp health commissioner.
Seth: (To Sol as EB walks away) Give the idea
to the damn paper first.
(They enter
restaurant – EB is crossing the street and brushes past a
horse)
E.B.: Please,
take your passage. Cocksucker.
(E.B. spots Mr Wu heading for the
Gem’s front door) What is this celestial doin’ approachin’ the Gem’s front
door? (Sees the titlicker approach the Gem)
The titlicker.
(Mr. Wu
enters the front door of the Gem – Johnny hurries up to
him.)
Johnny:
Whoa – whoa – whoa – whoa – whoa –
whoa! Stop where the fuck you are,
Mr. Wu.
Mr.
Wu: Swe’gen.
Johnny:
Yeah, well I’ll get Mr. “Swe’gen,” but first, you gotta walk the fuck out and
come around the back.
Mr. Wu:
(Crosses arms) Swe’gen.
Johnny:
Uh, no, no! No! (Sees others about to
enter, including the titlicker) No, closed for a while. Lick Later. (Yelling up to the office) We got us a
situation here, Al! (Gestures to Mr. Wu) Come in the front
fuckin’ door.
Al: Bring him up.
Johnny:
You want me to take him out and bring him around back?
Al: Bring him the fuck
up.
Johnny:
Come on, Mr. Wu. Come on.
(Al’s
office –Al is pissing)
Johnny: (clears throat)
Al: Put him in the chair and get out,
Johnny.
Johnny:
Sit. Sit! He won’t sit.
Al: (To
Johnny) Get out.
Johnny:
Yes, sir.
Al: What is it, Wu?
Mr. Wu:
(drawing) Tongyun – Tsok Tsai
(downstairs)
Johnny:
Do you think I should open it back
up?
Dan: I believe that’s what Al would want.
(Johnny
opens the doors to the titlicker and E.B. – Dan motions to the whores who giggle
and head to the licking room)
Dan: Mayor.
E.B.: August
commencement to my administration…(To
Johnny) Stand stymied outside a saloon, beside a degenerate
titlicker.
(Al’s
office, he’s looking at Mr. Wu’s
sketch)
Al: Now, the---this---this is one of you,
huh?
Mr.
Wu: Hough,
Tong yun n tong yun
Mr.
Wu: Au. Ho…Heyan.
Al: And these two.
Mr.
Wu: Bok Gwai
Lo…cocksucka!
Al: Yeah, glad I taught you that fuckin’
word. These are whites,
huh?
Mr.
Wu: uh, white cocksucka! (Pulls out dope
bag)
Al: Two white cocksuckers killed him and stole
the dope that he was bringing to you.
Mr.
Wu: White cocksucka! You, Swe’gen (gestures to the bag and
Al)
Al: The dope that you were gonna fuckin’ sell to
me?
Mr.
Wu: White
cocksucka.
Al: These two white cocksuckers? Who the fuck did
it?
Mr.
Wu: Wu!
Al: Who, you ignorant fuckin’
chink!
Mr.
Wu: Wu?!
Al: Who?! Who?! Who stole the fucking
dope?!
Mr.
Wu: Cocksucka!
Al: Aw, Jesus.
Johnny:
Those are the first “cocksuckers” I have ever heard shouted from that
room, Dan, that didn’t come from Al’s mouth that wasn’t followed by Al comin’
over to that railin’, pointin’ at you and beckoning you up them stairs with your
fuckin’ knife.
(Titlicker
comes out with his hanky to his mouth wiping it clean)
E.B.: I begrudge that pervert his capacity for
happiness. I
do.
Johnny:
(Looking up at the office) Them
people worship a fat man seated on his ass.
Al: You listen to me, hmm? Listen. (Tugs ear) I (hand shadowing eyes, turns head side to
side) find cocksuckers (Points to
drawing). I find. (Repeats hand eye motion) I find dope (holds dope bag out) and cocksuckers (points to drawing) who steal (pulls dope bag to chest) fuckin’ dope,
huh? (Throws dope bag
down)
Mr.
Wu: Cocksucka.
Al: Oh, yeah. (Walking Wu down the stairs) I’ll find
those fucking cocksuckers. Now get
the fuck out of here, Wu. The back way, you understand? The back way, or we’ll start getting
people having the wrong fucking idea of things around here, huh? (Wu leaves by the
back)
Al: (To Dan) Where’s the dope fiend?
Dan: I ain’t seen Jimmy Irons in three or four
days.
Al: Fucking find him. (Turns head to E.B.) Morning,
E.B.
E.B.: Morning,
sir. Anything the mayor should
know?
Al: Name of another tailor.
(Johnny
smiles – Al leaves bar, E.B. scurries after him as Al’s heading up the
stairs.)
E.B.: Didn’t we have an engagement to stuff envelopes,
Al?
Al: Not ‘til I get the currency to stuff ‘em
with.
(Out on the
street – we see Silas arrive in town on horseback, with his
Hawkeye)
(Grand Central dining
room)
Merrick:
“Any person who causes offal,
manure, rubbish or filth to be discharged in the common areas of the camp except
in the areas designated the camp dump, shall be subject to a fine of not less
than a dollar or more (Seth and Alma see
each other – Seth smiles) than three dollars. Such revenues to be used for dump upkeep
and to build and keep up a camp infirmary.” (Alma enters, Seth and Sol, men in
background, rise. Seth takes hat
off to her)
That’s excellent, Mr. Bullock.
Seth: (To Alma)
Mornin’,
Alma: Good morning, Mr. Bullock. Gentlemen. (Merrick rises,
uncomfortably)
Sol: Mrs. Garrett.
Merrick:
Um, good morning,
madam.
Sophia:
Good
Morning!
Merrick:
And good morning to you, young
lady. It’s Mr. Bullock’s ideas on
uh…refuse disposal. Uh, it is terribly crowded today.
Alma:
Mmm.
Merrick:
We were just remarking just yesterday that it couldn’t possibly (Seth nods his head to the exit at the guys
across the room). And yet today, it is. (Guys get up – Alma immediately directs
Sophia to the empty table.)
(Silas
Adams dismounts, enters Grand Central Hotel.)
Silas:
I’m gonna ask after E.B.
Farnum.
Richardson: Mr.
Farnum’s away from the desk.
(Silas
takes a coin out, slides it to Richardson.)
Richardson: Gem Saloon, across the way.
Silas: Two
rooms.
Richardson: There’s
no vacancy, sir.
(Silas
takes out another coin and places it next to the
other.)
Richardson: I’ll work it out while you eat.
Silas: There’s a man
outside with two horses. You send
the man inside, see the horses stabled.
Don’t ask no fuckin’ extra for it.
Richardson: Yes,
sir.
(Dining
room)
Merrick:
Mr. Farnum’s doing a land office business.
Or should I say Mayor Farnum. (Seth is looking at Alma as Merrick says
this)
Seth: (Looking
back to Merrick) Don’t, unless you
feel you have to.
Merrick:
That very attractive solitary woman
is Miss Joanie Stubbs, a supervisory figure at Cy Tolliver’s Bella Union
Saloon.
Sol: You cravat’s in your
bacon.
Merrick:
Oh.
Silas: (Standing in the food line at the
restaurant) Fuck this! (He leaves)
Utter: (Standing in line to sit down) Agh! Is it fuckin’ crowded in here or you just got some big fuckin’ feet? Maybe it’s the lethal combination of ‘em both.
(Gem
saloon, E.B.is counting money into envelopes, licking his thumb after placing
each bill in it’s stack.)
EB.: This one legislator’s named on the list you were
given twice, Al. Lucalis Childs of
Bismark.
Al: Give him two envelopes. I’ll call him on it if it ever suits my
purposes. As damp as your hands
are, why do you continuously lick your fuckin’ thumb?
EB.: Habit, I suppose.
Al: Could
you learn the habit of lickin’ a fuckin’ stump? (E.B. chuckles)
EB: If health commissioner Bullock, has his way, some of
the levies meant to defray the cost of these payoffs may get
diverted.
Al: To what?
EB: Infirmary for the camp. Garbage dump.
Al: Well, that type of shit’s inevitable. E.B., steal none of this
money.
EB: Gratuitous, hurtful and
unnecessary.
Al: When I deal with these cocksuckers down the
road. I need to be able to look any
one of ‘em in the eye, name what they were paid and know I’m
right.
EB: Understood.
Intact and undiminished.
(Al sees
Silas walk in)
EB: What is it, Al?
Al: Half a chance this could be
him.
EB: The bag man?
He wasn’t to be here ‘til tonight.
(Silas
approaches)
Silas:
Name’s Silas Adams. I’m looking for E.B.
Farnum.
EB: (Standing up)
I’m Mayor E.B. Farnum, Mr.
Adams. And this is Al
Swearengen.
(E.B.
gestures to Al; Al nods his head but doesn’t get up.)
Silas:
I’m to give this to you from
Magistrate Claggett, (to E.B. pointing at
the envelopes) And you’re to
give those to me.
Al: Pour yourself and your friend a
drink! (Silas heads to the bar, Al reads the
letter.) Stop! (Silas turns around) You motherless fucking whores. (E.B. jumps up)
Silas: Fuck you!
Al: Fuck me?!
EB: Gentlemen!
Al: You know what he says
here?
Silas: No. You think you should’ve asked me that
before you motherfucked me?
Al: A double-crossing cocksucker, that’s
Magistrate Claggett.
Silas: Is that the
message you want me to take back to him?
Al: That’s the gist of it. Let me put it in a better way before I
send you and your mute friend back down the fuckin’ trail.
Silas: No later than
tonight.
Al: You givin’ me a time
limit?
Silas:
Yeah.
Al: Pussy and whiskey free if you want
it.
Silas: I make my own
arrangements. (Starts to leave, Al nods to E.B. & the
envelopes)
EB: Mr. Adams, may I accompany you to my hotel, sir? Mr. Adams? (E.B.’s running out after Silas. Al pounds the
table.)
Johnny:
Hey, Al. Dan’s got Jimmy
Irons.
Al: Tell him I’ll receive him in my fucking chambers,
Okay?
(Grand
Central Hotel)
Richardson: (To miner guy at counter) Get out of here.
Silas:
You work out the
rooms?
Richardson:
You gotta
share.
Silas: Just send up two plates of fuckin’
food.
Hawkeye:
And don’t spit in ‘em,
partner.
Joanie:
Mr. Utter. (Sees Charlie standing in line, walking up
to Charlie Utter in the food line)
I’d ‘bout given up hope.
Utter: Yes. (Following Joanie back to her table, waves
at Merrick, Seth and Sol, hangs up his hat on the antlers and sits down.) Mighty kind of you Miss Stubbs. (Sophia is playing peek-a-boo with
Utter)
Joanie:
How’s the freight business working
out?
Utter: All a man could wish for and verging on more than he
can handle.
Joanie:
(chuckles) Glad to hear it.
Utter:
(Winks at Sophia – she smiles) How’d you do, uh, looking for your
whorehouse?
Joanie:
I ain’t found a spot
yet. I guess, to be more honest,
I’d say I found a few. But I ain’t
settled on one yet, absolutely.
Utter: I see.
Sol: Everyone done?
Except now I fear for our lives.
Merrick:
I’m done. Let’s take a nice brisk walk. (Getting up) Shit. Oh God, did I – did I—did I spill on
anyone?
Sol: No.
Merrick:
Sorry.
(Sol tips
hat to Joanie, Seth smiles at Alma.)
Utter:
Where y’all
headed?
Merrick:
Mmm, gonna take the air. Join us if
uh, the opportunity permits. (Jerks head to
exit)
Joanie:
It’s good to see you, Charlie. Have a good day.
Utter:
You too, Miss
Stubbs.
Merrick:
Madam, (To Alma) as crowded as it was
yesterday and more so today, it shows no sign of becoming less crowded. (Bends over to pick up something that he
dropped)
Guy: You mind gettin’ your ass out of my
shoulder?
Utter:
(Slaps guy on the back) You got a rude fuckin’ mouth, fella. (Looks up and over, sees Alma and puts a
finger to his lips) Uh – ‘scuse me.
(Outside on
porch)
Merrick:
Conditions in that dining room have
grown increasingly oppressive. (Takes a deep breath and points the way
ahead)
Sol: It’s crowded, for a fact.
Seth: Price of the camp’s success.
Utter: That fella was being smart with you, Merrick. Your ass was nowhere near his
shoulder.
Merrick:
Well, whatever my proximity, it was
certainly unintentional.
Utter: Well, believe me, I had the
angle.
Sol: We was just remarkin’ how tight it’s all gettin’ in
there.
(They all
step over a drunk on the boardwalk, Sol and Merrick in the lead, Seth and Utter
behind.)
Merrick:
Ah, ye how many memories fond to the
recollection have their setting in that tight little dining
room?
Utter: Yeah, well it’s fucked now.
Seth: Anyways, we ought to open soon.
Merrick:
Who would argue that the venue was
the cause of these happy memories, nor the bill of fare? The bitter coffee, the rancid bacon,
those stale biscuits that were tomb and grave to so many insects. No, gentlemen, it was the meandering
conversation, the lingering with men of character, some whom are walking with me
now, that were suck pleasure to experience and such a joy now to
recall.
Sol: Good of you to say, Mr.
Merrick.
Utter: Yeah, back at ya as far as that
goes.
Seth: Yeah.
Merrick:
Gentlemen, what’s to prevent up from
freeing our friendship from dependence on that little dining room? Relying not on happenstance and appetite
to further commence between us, but on our own conscious
choice?
(Seth grabs
Sol’s arm)
Utter:
Meanin’
what?
Merrick:
Meaning, Mr. Utter, the most
informal and disorganized of
clubs.
Seth: We gotta open, Sol.
Utter: Yeah, I don’t
join clubs.
Merrick:
Ah, now, its sole purpose could be just walking together as we are
now.
Sol: Well, why don’t we just walk
together when we happen to be out?
Merrick:
We could, we could, or we could
dedicate ourselves to the principle of walking together. Would it—maybe all we need is a
name.
Seth:
Sol? We gotta
open.
Utter: Yeah, I got
freight comin’ in.
Sol: This was good. I enjoyed this.
Utter: Yeah, we’ll do
it again.
Seth: Morning,
Mr. Merrick.
Merrick:
Thank you, Mr. Bullock. And thank
you for the uh, letter to the editor.
(They’ve all left, Merrick is
alone on the porch – ruminating on his walking club.) The Ambulators. Huh.
(Al’s
office.)
Al: Where have you been,
Jimmy?
Jimmy:
So fuckin’ sick, Mr.
Swearengen. Chills,
fever.
Al: Yeah, I hear it still in your
chest.
Jimmy:
Couple times, felt like turnin’ my
face to the fuckin’ wall.
Al: Fuckin’ pale you are,
too.
Jimmy:
I—I’ve rounded the corner, though. Plan for my return today or
tomorrow.
Al: Wu’s opium courier was
robbed.
Jimmy:
Oh, is that so? Well, was it money they got or
dope?
Al: All his fuckin’
dope.
Jimmy:
Uh-oh, so you didn’t get your
resupply?
Al: No.
Jimmy:
Had you any laid
by?
Al: No, sir. Uh-oh, hey, Jimmy?
Jimmy:
It sounds like I’m in for a dry
time. (sighs) Some more aches and pains comin’
up for me. Uh, when Wu suppose he
hear again from California? (Al shake his head) Can he even make
himself understood to you? I’m that
amazed how the fuck you and him can make yourselves understood anyway to each
other. (chuckles)
Al: Jimmy, what become of the dope fiend faro
dealer that I hired to apprise me of what transpired over at
Tolliver’s?
Jimmy:
Uh, Leon?
Al: Leon, that’s right.
Jimmy:
Geez, he just disappeared, didn’t
he? Where the fuck has he got
to?
Al: You’ve been wrong ever since you walked in
here. You know that, Jimmy, don’t
you?
Jimmy:
Well, like I said, sir, I feel like
hell.
Al: Is that what I mean?
Jimmy:
Well, what do you mean, Mr.
Swearengen?
Al: You been lyin’, Jimmy. (inhales audibly) Smell of cat’s piss,
in this room is so bad, I want to burn down the fuckin’ building. (inhales & exhales
audibly)
Jimmy:
I—I’m nervous, sir. I’m always nervous around
you.
Al: Nervousness don’t cause that. Lyin’ causes cat piss smell. (inhales & exhales audibly) I want
to tear this entire fuckin’ structure down, huh. I’ll strangle you and throw you
off the balcony, you stinkin’ little cocksucker, if you don’t hurry to tell me
where and what’s left of that fuckin’ dope that you and that other fuckin’
weasel have been slammin’ into your dope fiend fuckin’ veins during your fuckin’
convalescence.
Jimmy:
God, Mr.
Swearengen—
(Al smacks
Jimmy hard on the head, knocks him to the floor)
Al: Jesus, what a fuckin’ stink! Not to mention you kill a fucking chink
courier and the headache over that I’m gonna have with fuckin’ Wu if I ever get
this fucking stench out of my fuckin’ nostril.
Jimmy:
I just shit myself, sir. I’m sayin’ it now before the smell gets
you.
Al: You shit
yourself?
Jimmy:
I’m
sorry.
Al: Go ahead, throw yourself off the
balcony.
Jimmy:
I’m gonna crawl, sir. I shouldn’t stand.
Al: Where’s the fucking
dope?
Jimmy:
At Leon’s, I’ll show you
exactly. I’ll tell you
everything. We were four days up in
his room.
Al: Hurry the fuck up. Go on throw yourself, huh? And stay in the fuckin’ muck until I’m
down there.
Jimmy:
I just got a splinter the
length of my arm in my fuckin’ palm.
It’s alright.
Al: Go. Go, Jimmy, come on. Come on, get your
shit-smeared ass off my balcony.
Go, go, go!
(Jimmy
climbs over the balcony railing and falls into the
muck.)
Jimmy:
Ugh! I—I hurt my arm. But I’m okay.
Al: (points at Jimmy) You fuckin’ lie there
now.
Jimmy:
I’m just gonna roll forward
so uh, so I don’t get trampled.
(Al
descending stairs…)
Al: (To Johnny)
Jimmy Irons is in the muck. Don’t let him scuttle off until Dan
emerges with other orders.
Dan: How’d it go with Jimmy?
Al: Lyin’ thievin’ cocksucker threw
himself off the balcony. He’ll lead
you to whatever shithole him and that dope fiend faro dealer from Tolliver’s
have been usin’ to slam Wu’s junk into their arms. Change Irons into a pair of the other
cocksuckers trousers and bring ‘em both back here, plus whatever dope’s
left.
Dan: Alright.
Al: Is that the fuckin’ Reverend idlin’
by the piano?
Dan: Yes, sir.
Al: Has he explained his presence at
all?
Dan: No, sir. But he ain’t been tryin’ to lead no lost
souls to the Lord.
Al: So there’s
that.
(Dan grabs
his hat & leaves, The Rev. Smith is sitting next to the new piano, enjoying
a tune, Al approaches the Rev.)
Al: Reverend.
Rev: Uh, Mr. Swearengen. Your new piano plays
wonderfully.
Al: Ain’t it delightful? (To the piano player) Dave, go get a
free touch from Wanda, huh? (To the Rev) What’s the matter with your
eye?
Rev: I-I’m not certain. Something’s been amiss the last week or
so.
Al: Anyways, not wanting to give offense,
would you mind me asking you to frequent another joint?
Rev: No. No, I understand.
Al: A man of the cloth slows business
down, huh?
Rev: I-I understand, certainly. (Rev gets up from his chair with some
trouble)
Al: Hey, what – what’s that then,
hmm?
Rev: Something amiss with my leg, as
well. (Al takes his arm and walks him to the
door)
Al: Ah. How you dealin’ with the fits,
huh?
Rev: Nothing amiss with those. They come with some
regularity.
Al: My brother suffered
them.
Rev: Did he?
Al: Any case, don’t take me for inhospitable. Off hours, any purpose you want to
visit, hmm (drinking motion), hmm? (fucking motion) Incognito or the like,
I’ll be happy to make it work.
Rev: I just happened to hear the
piano.
Al: Alright,
Minister.
Rev: Alright, Mr.
Swearengen.
(Reverend
leaves, Al turns around and walks across room)
Al:
Fuckin’ new
piano.
(Hostetler
walks into the hardware store)
Sol: Afternoon.
(Seth
rises)
Seth:
Afternoon, Hostetler.
Hostetler:
Afternoon. Now, I got other
interests in my property. If’n you
want it, better make a offer.
Seth: I’m not
gonna make an offer today.
Hostetler: Mmm.
How much time would you need?
Seth: I don’t
know, Hostetler. I said when I was
ready I’d be by to you. You don’t
want to rush me.
Hostetler: I
was giving you first opportunity.
No one is rushing you.
Seth:
Alright.
Hostetler:
Fair offer from other interests, I’m gonna take it.
Seth: (Impatiently) Alright,
Hostetler.
Hostetler: I’ll be havin’ a pick
ax.
Sol: Bargain at seven
dollars.
(Joanie’s
room – there’s a knock on the door)
Joanie:
It’s
open.
Eddie: Hi ya,
kid.
Joanie:
Hi, Eddie. (They hug)
Eddie: Did that
bloodstain get you the special rate?
Joanie:
(chuckles) Have a seat, Eddie. I’d offer you a drink, but I don’t have
any booze.
Eddie: Settle on
a location for you new place yet?
Joanie:
I’m looking.
Eddie: Good.
Joanie:
That’s a lie.
Eddie: As long
as it’s the only one you ever told me.
Joanie:
I don’t want Cy to back me, and I don’t
know how to do anything without him.
Eddie: I’ll back
you.
Joanie:
You don’t have that kind of
money.
Eddie: I
will.
Joanie:
You gonna turn prospector,
Eddie?
Eddie: I’m gonna rob
Cy.
Joanie:
Don’t Eddie. He’ll know.
Eddie: What’s
the time, kid? (Joanie looks in her hip pouch – no
watch) No, he
won’t.
(Al’s
office with Jimmy Irons, Leon seated, Dan and Johnny standing guard, Al sitting
at his desk.)
Al: I do business with this fucking man. Wu does 50 fuckin’ things for me. You rob his fucking courier and kill the
cocksucker. What the fuck do I do
with you, huh?
Leon: I’m so fucked
up, Mr. Swearengen. I can’t make a
case for myself.
Al: Well, what would you want to say? From you, I have received no service of
any kind at any point. That chair
would make a better spy. (Kicks chair Leon is sitting in hard, it
tips over.)
Leon: Oh! Oww…
Jimmy:
I’ve worked hard for you, Mr. Swearengen. My habit’s a fuckin’
curse.
Leon: Oh, God. I wish to fuck I never took up opium in
my life.
Jimmy: If
somethin’ might persuade you, Mr. Swearengen, to say you couldn’t find us and
give us a day’s start out of fuckin’ camp.
You got almost half the dope back, maybe a little
less.
Al:So I
give him a little less than half the dope, which you bein’ the cat piss stinkin’
liars you are, he’ll probably draw a picture explaining it’s ten percent of the
dope. And then I’ll probably draw a
picture for him, portraying myself a cunt!
“Cause in that chink mind of his, I’m supposed to bring you to him for
his pig’s fuckin’ supper.
Jimmy:
Please fuckin’ God, Mr. Swearengen, don’t give us to Wu for his
pigs.
Leon: (Gags,
vomits, sobs)
(Al nods to
Johnny, Johnny looks at Dan, Dan motions to Johnny, Johnny points to Himself,
“who me?” walks to Jimmy Irons and taps him on the shoulder, points to the vomit
on the floor, hands him a towel.
Johnny, proud f, hooks his thumbs in his suspenders and rocks on his
heels.)
(Al and Dan have gone to
see Wu at his meat locker/ice house)
Mr.
Wu: Wey! As
sign a! Dit toy bin do wa! Ne fie
di ja oh wa ne fie de wa!
Al We’re here to be overcharged on some fuckin’
meat. Will your chink highness
fucking permit us to go inside and get robbed blind on a side of
elk?
(Mr. Wu
unlocks the door of the meat locker and motions them
inside)
Al:I
found the cocksuckers that stole your dope and that’s what’s left of the fuckin’
shipment. (Shows Mr. Wu the ball of dope – swaddled in
burlap)
Mr.
Wu: Cocksuckas! (Slit motion across
neck)
Al:Oh,
yeah, I’m all fuckin’ for it, Wu.
But neither of us would have reached our present comfortable position
freezing our balls off if we didn’t understand you
can’t cut the throat of every cocksucker whose character it would
improve.
Mr.
Wu: Cocksucka! (Slit throat motion
again)
Al Yeah, well, what happens after the white
cocksuckers throats have been cut and two dozen more white cocksuckers get their
loads on and decide to teach you and all you chink friends a fuckin’
lesson? Who’s gonna walk away from
that get together, huh, Wu?
Mr.
Wu: Cocksucka!
Al: Yeah,
cocksucker. Swe’gen bring you
cocksucker.
Mr.
Wu: (sighs) Swe’gen.
Al: But only one, Wu. One cocksucker, not two. (Holds up fingers to
illustrate)
Mr.
Wu: Cocksucker (slits throat) One. No two. (Holds fingers up to illustrate like Al
did)
Al: I give up two whites for one chink. When they’re finished stringin’ you up,
they’ll come get me. (Points to meat) How
much?
Mr.
Wu: (Shakes head no, motions to meat)
Swe’gen.
(Al bows
head to Mr. Wu, Dan unhooks the meat while Mr. Wu exits the meat
locker)
Al: Even money this’ll end up a fuckin’ blood
bath.
(They exit
the meat locker, Al speaks in a louder tone than
normal)
Al: Every fuckin’ time I come with one price in mind and
leave having paid in double. How
does this Wu do it to me, huh?
Dan: Think the chinks understand
you?
Al: (Talking normally) They understand my
fuckin’ attitude, that he’s a fuckin’ wily big shot. Builds him up amongst his people. (lowers his voice) Take them two dope
fiends over to the baths while I converse with Tolliver over which one gets
murdered, huh?
(Al walks
over to Mr. Wu, holds up one finger, Mr. Wu nods yes, Al holds up two fingers,
Mr. Wu shakes his head no – reluctantly.)
Dan: (loudly, to the
Chinese) It’s
a nice piece of meat.
Al: So cut a piece off for yourself. Put the rest in the cellar, then take
them hoople-heads over to the baths.
Dan: (Loudly – to Mr. Wu) Nice Meat!
(Dan
leaves. Mr. Wu looks at his men and
walks towards them, yelling)
Mr.
Wu: A Lea
lila e fong goon ga doa gwee er….
(Al enters
the Bella Union, Cy is standing at the bar with his back to the door, smoking a
cigar and drinking a whiskey)
Al: If it’s your missing faro dealer you’re drinking
over, he just threw up in my office.
Cy: (snickers) Had you been sharin’ space
with him a while?
Al: Only long enough to find out him and a fellow dope
fiend works for me robbed and murdered a chink opium
courier.
Cy: Oh, Leon, Leon, Leon. Second best thimble rigger I ever saw
when he wasn’t chasin’ the dragon.
Al: You do realize I’m presentin’ you with a mutual
fuckin’ problem.
Cy: Which I expect’s a little ways down the
road, so I’m waxin’ philosophical ‘til you tell me what the fuck you
want.
Al: I made a deal with the boss chink to give
him one of the two dope fiends.
Cy: Oh.
Do I assume some piece of the opium this courier bore was intended for
you? Ah, so you got a reason to
keep the chink boss happy. I don’t,
so I can stand on principle.
Al: What’s your fuckin’
principle?
Cy: A white dope fiend’s still white. I don’t deliver white men to
chinks.
Al: Leaving me with a bag of shit to
hold.
Cy: Well, maybe you should think harder about
traffickin’ in fuckin’ junk.
Al:
I’m
a purveyor of spirits, Cy, dope fuckin’ included, and when chance affords, a
thief, but I ain’t no fuckin’ hypocrite.
Cy: (sighs) I think we’re done, Al. But in my line, I’m used to certain
types thinkin’ they need the last word.
Al: My last word is the fuckin’ bag man’s here from
Yankton, so get up your fuckin’ share.
(He
leaves)
Cy: (To the bartender) Where’s fuckin’
Joanie stayin’?
Bartender: I
don’t know, Cy.
Cy: Ah, don’t fuckin’ lie to
me.
Bartender:
I don’t know.
Cy: tsk. Well, if you see her at whatever fuckin’
place you don’t know where she’s stayin’ at, tell her I have some good fuckin’
news for her about upcoming real estate availabilities. If she’d ever show up to hear about
it. Okay?
Bartender:
Sure, boss.
Cy: Thank you.
(Piano
playing, the Reverend is back at the Gem sitting next to the piano, kicking his
heels to the floor in time with the music, happy look on his face. Trixie walks
down the stairs and sees the Rev, Jewel walks in.)
Johnny:
That ain’t right, see. My father was a preacher of the word and
that ain’t fuckin’ right.
(Doc is
checking whores' privates, the whores are giggling and making fun of the
Rev.)
Whore:
So this what it’s come to in
Deadwood, hey, Doc? Ministers
kickin’ up their heels and china men walking through the front
door.
Doc: (To blonde
whore after he’s done checking her snatch) You know, when you giggle, you leak
piss.
Trixie:
Poor fucking
man.
Doc: Lemme see your
arm
Trixie:
It’s fine, Doc, it’s
better.
(Brunette
whore crouching and pulling at her eye, laughing)
Doc: Quit acting like a goddamn fool and sit
down.
(Whores are
still playing ring around the drunk, the Rev is kicking his heels in time to
the
Al: (Yelling)
Get the fuck away from him! Shut that fuckin’ piano down! Hey, big time! Fuck ‘em or get the fuck out! Did we not come to an
understanding?
Rev: In what connection, sir?
Al: In the connection of you staying the fuck
out of here.
Rev: I don’t recall that, sir. Do you wish me to
leave?
Al: Yeah, I wish you to fuckin’
leave. Write yourself a note and
hang it over your one good fuckin’ eye. Stay out of Al Swearengen’s
joint.
Rev: Alright, sir.
Al: And stay the fuck out of the Gem,
what ever my fuckin’ problem is, hmm?
Rev: I was drawn to the music. The piano uh, relieves my
headache.
Al: You listen to a piano where you
don’t make a fuckin’ ass out of yourself, huh? (Al walks to the
bar)
Rev: Do you know where I might find
one?
Al: No! (To Johnny) Help him the fuck out,
huh? (Johnny nods head – goes to the Rev – Al
sees the Doc, motions him to the back.)
Johnny: (To the
Rev) Mmm. (Takes him by the elbow and escorts the Rev
out, on the way they pass Jewel and her and the Rev look at each
other.)
Al: What the fuck was that?
Doc: He’s havin’ changes in his
brain.
Al: I hope to Christ he’s having
changes. I’d hate to think of him
conducting performances like that of secret evenings in the forest and the
like.
Doc: Well, I’m certain now it’s a
tumor.
Al: Well, that caused the fits too,
huh?
Doc: Yes.
Al: You notice now, too, he’s starin’
cockeyed? He was in here not two
hours ago. Don’t fuckin’
remember. Nothin’ to be done,
huh?
Doc: No.
Al: Well, he ain’t comin’ back in my
joint. He’s a fuckin’ man of the
cloth in case he forgets. Kickin’
up his legs like a four-bit strumpet.
How’s Trixie’s spirits seem to you?
Doc: Her abscess seems
fine.
Al: That ain’t what I
asked.
Doc: And I don’t answer for the state of
people’s spirits.
(The Doc
walks out)
Al:
(at the bar, yelling) Come on!
Buy a drink! Get your pricks
sucked! Spend some fuckin’ money,
huh?
(Hardware
store, Seth and Sol are on the porch)
Seth: It ain’t circumstance. It’s my own fuckin’ mettlesome
nature.
Sol: Far as what?
Seth: What
I’ve done, Sol. And you have to
admire me for it - is moved 300 miles to set the dame situation up I left
Montana to get away from. Drawin’
up proposals for refuse disposal.
Sol: Unsolicited.
Seth: Insulted
Hostetler out of my own fuckin’ irritability.
Sol: I believe Hostetler’s had worse
afternoons.
Seth: Wife and
child I barely know.
Sol: I don’t guess you need me to say
it. If there’s a heaven, your
brother sees what you did and he’s grateful.
Seth: Maybe he
sees me borrowing his life so I didn’t have to live my
own.
Sol: People have made good lives out of
borrowed ones before. But she is a
beautiful woman.
(At the Gem, Al and Silas are
talking)
Al: Them stuffed envelopes for them cunts at the
legislature, past smoothin’ the road for the camp’s annexation they were
supposed to clear up a personal situation.
But that letter you bore from the magistrate explained my situation would
need additional envelopes.
Silas: Not my
problem.
Al: But you’d understand how a man would feel
aggrieved, learning that he bribed a legislator to annex a camp, but hadn’t got
the sold-out cocksuckers to lift the murder warrant against him, how he’d feel
that he spent a lot of time and trouble and expense for the privilege of getting
hanged?
Silas: Not so far I’d
excuse him motherfuckin’ me that only bore the message.
Al: No.
Silas:
I’m here to take your message back to the magistrate.
Al: Who I’d be surprised is a lyin’
thievin’ double crossing cocksucker only in his
dealin’s with me?
Silas:
Yeah, Magistrate Claggett is a cocksucker.
Al: And.
Silas:
Make your offer.
Al: How can I prove you’re not here to catch
me in a switch?
Silas: I’m not here
to prove shit to you.
Al: Does it matter to you the cocksucker the
warrant’s out on me for killing needed murderin’ every fuckin’ day he drew
breath?
Silas:
No.
Al: Good. Gotta go to the bathhouse. You want to accompany me? No one’s looking to fuck you up the
ass. I gotta execute
someone.
(Silas does
a shot and gets up, they are walking down the street.)
Al: Here’s the situation. Two dope fiends rob and murder an opium
courier. Dope fiends are white,
opium courier’s a chink.
Silas: So far, who
cares?
Al: The chink who paid for the delivery is a
boss amongst his own, goes berserk.
Matter of indifference still, huh?
Some of the dope should have been delivered by the boss chink to a pillar
of the white community, a wonderful man.
One of the dope fiends works for a clever cocksucker who could be
considered his rival, and who is watching this from his balcony as we speak.
(Indicates to Cy on the BelaUnion balcony) Thank you for not
looking. The boss chink wants to
feed both dope fiends to his pigs.
Silas:
No.
Al: Would you give him
one?
Silas: Is the boss
chink the only source of opium in the camp?
Al: Yup.
Silas: Any other
business connections with the white pillar?
Al: Several.
Silas: I’d give him
one. Let the dope fiends draw
fuckin’ straws.
Al: Clever cocksucker won’t consent to
that. Don’t want his man in a
lottery. That could deliver him to
a chink.
Silas: Is the clever
cocksucker spoiling for a fight? (They continue their walk to the
bathhouse)
Cy:Al! What
you asked for earlier? (Throws down bag of bribe money at their
feet) I suspect that’s who it’s
intended for.
Al: Smart thinkin’.
(Silas
bends over and picks up the bag)
Cy: This is Lilah.
Say hello to the fellas, Lilah.
Lilah: Hello,
fellas.
Al: Speaks, too. Be a big earner for you, Cy. (They continue to the
bathhouse)
Al: Maybe he is spoilin’ for a
fight.
Silas: Felt that way
to me. (They stop)
Al: No one asked you how it felt. My money’d be on him trying to put the
chink boss in the wrong eyes of the camp.
Anyways, Thank God I don’t have to rely on you to formulate my plan of
action. You with
me?
Silas: Yeah, I’m with
you.
(In the
bathhouse)
Jimmy: Mr. Swearengen.
Al, we are good and fucked up.
We are fucked up, Mr. Swearengen.
What have we been sayin’ repeatedly, Dan?
Dan: Al’s a good
guy.
Jimmy:
Uh, that you’d fuckin’ allow us your
works here and us periodically fixin’ the entire time we’re in the fuckin’ tub,
after how we inconvenienced you and fucked you up. Fucked up out own fuckin’ lives from the
time I was a fuckin’ child.
Leon: Al.
Jimmy:
Thank you, Mr. Swearengen, and you are a
good guy.)
(Al looks
back at
Silas)
Leon: Thank you, Al.
Al: One of you is gonna have to apologize to
Wu.
Jimmy:
Uh, apologize?
Leon: I’ll
apologize. Bring that slant-eyed
bastard over here. He can get in
the fuckin’ tub with me. I’ll apologize and then I’ll kiss him. And then I’ll tie him off and I’ll shoot
him up and then I’ll blow him with fuckin’ soap.
Al: We’re gonna draw straws to see who goes over to
see Wu.
Leon: We go
there? I withdraw my
volunteer. I am comfortable where I
am.
Al: You’re gonna pick a straw,
Jimmy.
Jimmy:
Well – well, when you say apologize, sir, could you be specific what’s gonna
happen?
Al: Short straw
apologizes.
Jimmy:
But then what the fuck is Wu gonna do?
Al: I worked it out with
Wu.
Jimmy:
So, uh, our apology’s gonna be enough?
Leon: We happen to
be fuckin’ white. And in case you
hadn’t noticed, he happens to be a fuckin’ slant-eyed fuckin’ celestial. He’s lucky to get a fuckin’
apology. He’s lucky we’re willin’
to do even that.
Jimmy:
Well – well, why do I pick?
Leon: I’ll pick. (Puts hand out) I don’t fuckin’
mind. Don’t be fuckin’ afraid. You be fuckin’ afraid your whole life of
every fuckin’ thing. You want me to
pick, Al? I’ll pick. And then I’ll
blow myself with fuckin’ soap.
Al: Pick, Jimmy.
Jimmy:
Show me. Uh, would you show me the straws, please, sir? So I—So I know one’s
long and one’s short.
Al: Pick.
Jimmy:
Can I get off again first?
(Al shakes
his head no, Jimmy hesitantly reaches for a straw, picks one, looks at Leon)
Leon: Is
that the short one? Or the long
one?
(Al throws
the other straw to the ground, grabs Jimmy’s feet, forcing him underwater, Al
puts his foot on Jimmy’s throat, Jimmy struggles trying to grab Al’s leg.)
Al: Do not throw up. I don’t want to smell your
stink!
(Hardware
store, Rev. Smith is entering)
Sol: Reverend Smith.
Rev: Evening, sir. (Turns to Seth)
Evening.
Seth:
Reverend.
Rev: I watched goods in the tent this
uh, this structure replaced while Messer’s Bullock and Star first took in the
camp.
Seth: You sure
did.
Sol: What can we do you for you,
Reverend?
Rev: I’m in
a quandary, gentlemen. Are you
Messer’s Bullock and Star?
Sol: In the flesh.
(Seth gets
up from his desk to stand next to Sol, crossing his arms on the
way.)
Rev: You are the absolute images of them, gentlemen. But what makes me afraid is I do not
recognize you as my friends. And,
naturally, I am afraid.
Sol: What are you afraid of,
sir?
Rev: I don’t know what’s happening to
me. I have various ailments, and I
suppose this is a further ailment, but of what sort, I don’t know. And I’m afraid if you are devils,
which—which I don’t believe you are, because you were the kindest men of all in
the camp to me. But if you were
devils, I suppose that—that would be the-the-the type of shape you would take,
and – and if you are not devils, I…Then I am—I am simply losing my mind. And with my other ailments, I am
concerned and afraid.
Sol: Alright,
Reverend.
Seth: We’re
the people you met the night you watched our goods. I’m from Etobicoke,
Ontario.
Sol: I’m from Vienna,
Austria.
(The
Reverend’s face lights up.)
Rev: Wonderful.
Seth: You’re here with friends.
Rev: Yes.
Yes, I feel that now. And I
have various ailments of which we all suffer.
Sol: And next morning, often finds us feeling
better.
Rev: Yes. In
any case, part of God’s plan.
Seth: May we walk you back to your tent,
sir?
Rev: (The
Reverend smiles) An evening stroll
with friends. I would do enjoy
that.
Sol: Let’s go then.
(They get
their hats, Seth gets his jacket as well and blows out the oil lamp, taking a
lantern with him. Sol takes the Rev by the shoulder and guides him out to the
porch)
Rev: Mr. Swearengen’s saloon has a new
piano.
(Seth locks
up, Sol pats the Rev on the back, Seth walks to the Rev’s other side and pats
his back)
(Bathhouse,
Jimmy’s not struggling now.)
Al: You tell your boss. Tell him what you saw here,
huh?
Leon:
I
saw a fair procedure. (Reaches for dope) I saw a fair
procedure, Al, to tell Mr. Tolliver.
(Al drops the finally dead Jimmy’s
legs, punches Leon)
Agh!
Al: Do not fucking call me Al!
Leon: Aw. Ugh. (crying) Aw, aw.
(Silas,
unmoved, turns and leaves with Al.
Dan pushes up his sleeves and grabs Jimmy from the
bathtub.)
Al: I guess Tolliver achieved his purpose standing on
that balcony. (Silas gives Al Cy’s bribe
bag.)
Silas: Why’d you kill
your own guy?
Al: Why?
Silas: You give
Tolliver’s dope fiend to the boss chink instead of your own guy, gives Tolliver
the opening to make the boss chink look wrong in the eyes of the
whites.
Al: He can go to war with me and make me out a
chink lover. What if my guy had
drawn the long straw?
(Dan comes
out of the bathhouse with a dead Jimmy wrapped in swaddling over his
shoulder)
Silas:
I guess he’d have been shit
out of luck.
Al: (To
Dan) Mr. Adams doesn’t think there was a long straw. Mr. Adams, Mr.
Dority.
Silas:
Silas.
Dan: Dan (Dan shifts Jimmy and offers his hand – they
shake)
Al: Silas, lift your lid. (Silas takes off his hat) Yeah. Get a
fuckin’ haircut. Looks like your
mother fucked a monkey.
(Al walks
off with Dan following him, they head to Wu's pigpen.)
Al: Wu!
Here’s that cocksucker to apologize. (Lifts the sheet from Jimmy’s
face)
Dan: Say you’re sorry, Jimmy!
(Dan throws
Jimmy to the pigs. The pigs start
squealing.)
Mr. Wu:
(Puts right hand over his left fist) Swe’gen.
Al: (returns
the gesture) Yeah. Swe’gen hopes we ain’t signed ourselves
up for killin’, too.
Written by Bryan
McDonald
Directed by Daniel
Minahan
Al Swearengen: Ian McShane Dan Dority: W Earl Brown
Seth Bullock: Timothy Olyphant
Alma Garret: Molly Parker
Ellsworth: Jim Beaver
Doc Cochran: Brad
Dourif
Sol Star: John Hawkes
Trixie: Paula
Malcomson
Tom Nuttall: Leon Rippy
Cy Tolliver: Powers Boothe
Leon: Larry Cedar
Sophia: Bree Seanna Wall
Silas Adams: Titus Welliver |
E.B. Farnum: William Sanderson
Calamity Jane: Robin Weigert
Charlie Utter: Dayton Callie Johnny Burns: Sean Bridgers
Andy Cramed: Zach Grenier
Jewel: Geri
Jewell
A. W. Merrick: Jeffrey Jones
Rev. Smith: Ray McKinnon
Mr. Wu: Keone Young
Joanie Stubbs: Kim Dickens
Con Stapleton: Peter Jason
Eddie Sawyer: Ricky Jay |
Transcription last updated on 02/06/2007 | |
Deadwood transcription from
www.CalamityDan.com These transcriptions are the property of
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